Afraid of Truth

And... the story still goes on..

all the words I heard, honestly, make me flowering. I'm happy just reading those words. This feeling comes again, I can't avoid it how hard I try to do that I will always wait for him. I love him and I care about him. He said he doesn't belong to someone, but my heart doesn't say that. So, Love is something I can't do, something that it is forbiden to have. I'm afraid he has someone in his heart. When I ask him about that, in fact that I don't want to hear the truth. The truth of his heart, something that may be hurt my heart for the second time. Become friend is one of the way to avoid that feeling (love) and maybe this is the best way for us. And... at least I have him deep inside of my heart who others will never know....  

Should I leave it or not?

Time goes fast. many things happened during those times. but, this heart hasn't been recovered yet. I've done many things but they were useless. God, I know in my prayer I always say I want the things be back like before, but I don't want to be greedy, I've made up with him, I've finished all the things in the past, now all the things has been back as usual. but I still want him much, although when he came to my life (again) just like the past sad memories come back without any notification. I know him, he has already had someone to hold, someone who always by his side whether he is sad or happy, someone that I used to know, a beautiful girl who will fill up his life. But, this heart can't accept that. I still want to have those hand, I want to be by his side even if his heart doesn't mine. 

I did wrong, I shouldn't let him to come again. It will ruin my heart more, but my feet, my lips, even my body don't want to move from him. They open by themselves. He always success to make me fall for him and hate him at the same time. hate? I don't think I hate him, hate here means that I can't get him after so many years I've been waiting for him. I can't move on, although I've tried many times. I said to others I can carry on my life without him but...my heart doesn't say so.. in the end my heart for him is still the same like before.

In my religion ruin someone's relationship is a big sin. I still have my mind, I don't want to break my religion's law. 

Should I leave it or not?